The school of agape in everyday life

 

The Christian tradition does not contain goals such as self-knowledge and enlightenment. It does not have methods of self-reflection and self-development that can be compared to, for example, the Buddhist forms of meditation that are popular today. However, Christianity has something else: the practice of agape, the love for one’s neighbor as for oneself.

Strange as it may sound, this practice is also a way to get to know your ‘higher self’ and to let yourself grow spiritually, since it develops the higher-order skills that are inherent in man. Of these skills, giving love-agape comes first.

But what if you don’t need all kinds of complicated explanations and additional constructs and you don’t want to struggle with a manual? What if, once you know what the main goal is, you simply want to work towards that goal at your own pace?

In that case, you only have to decide what your precise starting point is. For anyone who doesn’t like theories and prefers to discover everything for themselves in practice, I can offer my own concept as an introduction. I call this concept The School of Agape in Everyday Life.

A school always has a certain curriculum. In this case as well a curriculum is needed, but its scope is minimal. The School of Agape in Everyday Life consists of three classes, divided according to the difficulty of the tasks. These tasks come directly from the Gospel, as they are sayings of Jesus himself. You can start the learning process at any time. Its duration is not measured in school years because in this kind of school you can study your whole life.

 

A G A P E    A S    A    D A I L Y    S P I R I T U A L    P R A C T I C E

1. The beginners class of agape:

Change your attitude toward others

 

  • Never judge others

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.   – Matthew 7:1-2

(When you see how much time and energy conflicts with our neighbors cost us, and how many of those conflicts begin with an – often incorrect – judgment about their actions, or about certain character traits, we can imagine the scope of the changes that come about if we follow just this one commandment. Moreover, this is precisely where training in self-awareness through mindfulness is useful.)

 

  • Start with yourself

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.  – Matthew 7:5

 

  • The Golden Rule

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.  – Matthew 7:12

 

 

2. The intermediate class of agape

Prevent conflict and animosity among those around you

 

  • Live at peace with your adversaries

Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still together on the way, or your adversary may hand you over to the judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. – Matthew 5:25

 

  • Peacefully bid farewell to those who despise you

As you enter the home, give it your greeting. If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet. – Matthew 10:12-14

 

  • Be sincere and clear

All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.  – Matthew 5:37

 

  • Forgive your neighbors more and more

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. – Matthew18:21-22

 

  • Give more and more

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. – Luke 6:38

 

  • Help freely

Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received; freely give.   – Matthew 10:8

(This can also be seen in a figurative sense.)

 

 

3. The highest class of agape:

Agape under all circumstances

 

  • Give more than is expected

And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.    – Matthew 5:40-41

 

  • Renounce aggression

“Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword. – Matthew 26:52

 

  • Use agape against hatred and aggression

But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.  – Matthew 5:39

(In a conflict between two adult men, such an act may look like cowardice or absurd self-abasement. It is different if the one doing the hitting is a toddler and the one being hit is an adult. The adult would not hit the little child back in such a situation. In my opinion, Jesus is here calling on the ‘spiritually older’ to deal with the ‘spiritually younger’ in a similar way.)

 

  • Love your enemies

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,   – Matthew 5:43-44

 

I N    C O N C L U S I ON

At present, Eastern spiritual traditions, which do not require a specific religious belief, are popular, especially those teachings that have a certain spiritual practice. This enables the followers to get to know themselves and to gain insight or understanding of the deep essence of life. Such goals are easier to connect with the mentality of the 21st-century person than begging for forgiveness of one’s sins in the hope of being delivered from hellish torment in the afterlife. This explains the growing interest in meditation techniques and visualizations to get to know one’s “higher self”.

The main obstacle, both on the path to enlightenment and to getting to know the Kingdom of God within oneself, is our own egocentrism in our thinking, reactions, habits and behaviors, and the main task is to overcome this. People who meditate learn to control impulses from their “lower self” or ego. If agape becomes a conscious behavioral attitude, then it can become a kind of spiritual practice with the same goal in daily life, without the need for seclusion.

The neighbor is someone who is in your immediate vicinity at this moment and love as agape is a feeling of inner connection with that person. It is the mutual similarities that bring people closer together; even the most different people have the same needs, such as the need for space and respect. Realizing this helps to sharpen the necessary attention, which can be trained just as the focus on breathing, the physical sensations or a mantra that one uses when mastering a certain meditation technique.

Jesus gave various answers to the question of what you should do so that agape – and not your own ego – directs your actions, but these answers are scattered throughout the text. What is scattered can be collected, and this is what I have done.

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(From my book Mijn Evangelie with some additions and adjustments.)